Nobody likes you when your 23.

So I am almost 24. However I don’t think this will bring me more friends. I seem to be unlovable. I honestly don’t know if it’s me  or if it’s just the people I mix with. Obviously people drift away over the years.

I was homeschooled so I didn’t make any friends during high school time except through the religion my family held. I always thought I was a good friend to people. Back then anyway. I organised things , I invited people over , I travelled to others houses. Even though my mom was the only single parent who didn’t drive and could barely afford bus fare. I don’t think people understand how much I valued their friendship and what a big impact it had on my life.

Seeing how fast people can exit your life after all that work makes me so mad. Not like Hulk mad. I just get overwhelming loneliness and frustration. People who should have cared. Who knew what I was going through and claimed to be friends then to ditch me at the first hurdle. People for whom I have dropped everything to help. Even down to my own blood family.

I want to scream. Fuck the lot of you.

Obviously I won’t . I will instead keep my head down and hope I can begin to rebuild my life again. Me and the OH are going to visit a friend of a friend who I have been in touch with online.  I will let you know how that shit goes. Whether or not I just pass out from anxiety on the way there.

Maybe once I’m 24 people won’t run a mile when I ask to be friends.

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